Two

Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if I had chosen the stereotypical, straight-haired, three-shades-of-light-brown, probably-likes-baby-blue Asian Girl route. Was it the fact that I grew up in El Sereno? Was it the time that the baby-blue-loving-Asian from the 8th grade told me I couldn’t hang out with her because I didn’t fit the mold? Was I not smart enough? Is it because I find tennis incredibly boring? Why do I find tennis incredibly boring? It’s probably a great sport. And if I did choose to be this other girl, would I have more friends? Would I still be attracted to short Latino men with sad eyes but wind up dating tall fair-skinned Latino blends (it isn’t the same)? It just seems that had Other Karen existed in Current Karen’s place, that she would be a lot better off. Maybe even if she was one of those I-listen-to-all-kinds-of-music girls (gag!)

Is it something that is intrinsically built within me? That despite all conditions, despite the fact that I did grow up in El Sereno and eventually move to Temple City, that I would wind up some weird, socially-awkward, gothy-looking Asian girl? Was it because I grew up ugly and don’t take compliments well because I don’t believe them? Or will I be the girl who knows she’s pretty now but is a total bitch about it?

I’m not sure why this question bothers me so much because it’s something I don’t intend on changing into. I meant for this entry to sound a lot more eloquent than the question-vomit that did come out.

Light-Haired-Karen, please exist so we can share a collective memory. I want to see what the other side is like.