No, I haven’t found it yet. I am still just as awkward, insecure, and shy as I was last year. Last year I had the encouragement from some really great people to keep pushing on ahead, and right now I’m a little lost without them. But it’s all right. I can still see my friends giving me the thumbs up and I know that if they were here, they’d be telling me to quit being such a wimp.
I spoke to one of the attorneys before leaving the DOJ and he and I talked about my possible career choices. I’m not sure why I never spoke to him before! I’ve never met another person who used the word “fantastic” as much as I did :B Anyway, I mentioned that I was toying around with the idea of teaching in another country and it just so happened that he taught English in Japan for a year. By the end of the meeting, he sent me back with a bunch of printouts on how to become a teacher in a different country, teaching English as a foreign language, and a little origami book that an student of his gave to him.
At first all I could think was, “Shit! If I don’t get my ass to Japan by the end of this year, he’s going to be sooooooooooooo disappointed in me!” After that initial shock, I realized that here was somebody with whom I had just met and already he has more faith in me than I have in myself. It’s not about disappointing my new mentor, since I can return the books and apologize for the time wasted, but if I don’t do this I’m going to be disappointed with myself.
I wimped out when I decided not to go into the teaching credential program at CSULA before it closed. I saw all the hard work that was involved, second-guessed myself, and talked myself into not going for it. I was scared — what else could I say?
I know I am capable and qualified to teach. Everybody else can see it too. It’s about damn time I believed in myself.