I might be. But it’s not like I was this way on purpose!
It’s been a while since I’ve done anything romantic on Valentine’s day. It couldn’t really be helped this year since it also landed on Chinese New Year, but I highly doubt that anything romantic would have happened anyway.
I think though, that this is mostly just me. I mean it started with people being huge disappointments whenever it came to anything romantic, but I’m pretty sure that if anything were to happen (not like it did, because people are disappointing), that I would probably scoff at it and think “you’re only being this way because of Valentine’s Day. Flowers? Tch, you know those things wither away and die, right? Do you want our love to wither away and die? Is that what you want the flower to represent? Chocolate? You know I’m allergic to that, right? (Nevermind the fact that I consume copious amounts of chocolate anyway)” I think that as a result, people generally stop being romantic around me altogether. Maybe this’ll come off as one of my more annoying qualities, but sometimes I wish people actually tried, even if they’re likely to get laughed at. But again. People are disappointing. I think I’ve said that three times now. Maybe my heart has just grown cold and incapable of believing in romance.
I get it — I’m a difficult person to shop for. I can’t wear most jewelery and would rather have new socks than flowers (but then when I get socks, I’ll want flowers). And then I’ll bitch at you for spending money on me. You might actually have to think when finding me something . . . or you know, actually listen. A friend recently asked what I wanted for my birthday (which is a little early to be thinking of these things, but whatever) and I answered with my usual answer (a pony). I tell people I want a pony because it’s pretty ridiculous and I know that nobody is actually going to get me a pony. I don’t really want anything that I can’t buy on my own. What would be nice though, in terms of gifts and anything mushy, are things that I would have bought if I had thought of it. Does that make any sense? Now before anybody says “bitch, you’re lucky if you get anything at all,” please understand that I’m one of those people who would rather have nothing than a bunch of crap that takes up space in my room.
Still though, sometimes I wish for the gift that I didn’t know that I wanted or the moment that I am actually speechless about. It really isn’t that difficult if you just listen.
But it’s easier just to say that I’m a pain in the ass to be please, throw your hands up, and not try at all. And it’s all right because I don’t really have high hopes for Valentine’s Day anymore.
(Now, I understand that Valentine’S Day is also a day to celebrate being in love and not all about the gifts — but we all know that’s full of shit and that it’s invented by greeting card and candy companies. And the folks who insist that your mom really wants a Palm Pixi for V-Day. Don’t even get me started on actually being romantic.)