1. People who bore me but continue to talk to me even after I’ve expressed that they’re terrible people to have conversations with.
2. People who still use wallets that have velcro on them. Hello? You’re not a 12-year old boy anymore.
3. People who use too many excuses for their loser-like qualities. “I was a premie.” Seriously? Are you really going to go there? You’re a 24 year old man who is scared of needles and you’re seriously blaming it on being a premie? Dude, grow some.
4. My nerdy friend who has his wallet attached to a giant metal chain hooked up to his jeans. Wtf dude, you look like the worst gangster in the world. :P At least it isn’t velcroed shut. It used to be though. Metal chains and a velcro wallet. Gawwwwd. I’m pretty sure my meathead cousin has a chain on his wallet too. Is it an El Sereno thing?
5. So I tried Jillian Michael’s 30-Day Shred. Good news? I’m pretty sure it works. Bad news? My calves are killing me and I refuse to get out of bed. I suppose I’ll be crawling to the kitchen if I get hungry enough. Ugh. Does anybody need a zombie extra? Independent zombie movie producers? Hello? I need a job and I’ve got the zombie limp down.
6. My daddy taught me how to make some Vietnamese-styled coffee! It is currently a combination of way too bitter and too much condensed sweetener to mask the bitterness (but it obviously isn’t working). I’m letting the ice water it down. It tastes angry and sad, like a woman with a broken heart. I’m projecting a little. We’ll just name the blend, “Karen”.
7. Girls past the age of 15 who put their hair in pigtails. What the hell? That’s only okay if you’re parting it to avoid sleeping on it or if you’re reaching that age where you’re no longer young but are trying to relive your youth because somehow you think pigtails are cute (it isn’t okay, but at least that’s understandable).