Sometimes I like to replay the scene in my head, to make sure I’ve said all I needed to. That I’ve got the words down right, so to avoid confusion or be able to better elaborate the next time. So in my head I’m going over our conversation when he says something that derails all my own logic and I can’t for the life of me remember how I replied.

Did I laugh it off? Did I say “I don’t care?” Did I switch the topic? Or was I honest and said something to the extent of “I don’t need to know, but I’m yours to talk to if you want to tell me. I know what I feel and I like you as you are now”?

God please let me have said that and not something stupid.

No really, think about it.

I’m generally very friendly towards everybody. I’m approachable. I’m the girl you can tell your secrets to who you can trust won’t tell the world. I’m the girl you can come to when you have bad days who’ll listen to your problems and won’t press you for details unless you want to talk about them. I’ll listen to everything you want to tell me and won’t ask for more, in case you’re uncomfortable. I’m also very honest. Sometimes I’m brutally honest, and I apologize in advance for that. I’ve got nothing to hide, and you can hunt down my archives all over the internet for that. My past, for what stupid and embarassing things I’ve done are up for review and I take no shame in admitting it.

I’m also very self-sufficient. I hold a steady job and work my ass off for the things I own. Rare will I let you buy anything for me — and even if you did, please rest assured that I’m an incredibly cheap date. I’m easily amused by the smaller idiosyncrasies of life and can spend the day people watching and making cracks on their behavior and mannerisms. Alternatively, I can spend the day looking at plants in the arboretum or making funny faces at the fish in the local pet store.

I also like to think that I dress fairly well. However, this is a recent occurrence so please don’t look at my older pictures of the pre-hair-straightener days. I know I’m terribly out of shape, but I don’t let myself go too far. I wear clothing that compliments my body, even though sometimes it seems as if I switch genders and ethnicities. I love fitted blazers and striped shirts. I live in my skinny jeans and combat boots. I love militant epaulettes on my jackets and tops, hats, and the color gray. You will never see me wearing Ed Hardy or Ugg boots. You know, just in case you are the kind of man who believes that a person’s outward appearance reflects their personality.

I’ve got my faults. I swear too much and I’m kind of short tempered. I also have an annoying habit of setting myself and my expectations of other people up for failure, just to prove myself to be right when people turn out to be exactly the way I predicted. I’m working on that. I’m whiny sometimes, but I’m also working on it. I’m also plagued by random illnesses and sometimes they take a toll on my self esteem when I let them get to me. Just avoid me on those days :) I can drag myself out of a self-induced depression fairly well, and if not, I’ve got good friends behind me who can. You don’t need to worry unless you have to. I’m also incredibly clumsy, which may be a problem if you like me enough to start caring for my well-being.

I’ve learned things the hard way, and it’s humbled me.

I don’t care that you’re a self-proclaimed bastard. I don’t care that you actually exhibit these qualities. I won’t judge you for the things you’ve done in your past, although I am interested in hearing about it. I am fascinated by who you are, right now. I’ll ask about it because you intrigue me, but again, I won’t press on if you feel uncomfortable answering. I know where boundaries lay. I’m not really clingy and I’m not asking for a relationship, but I genuinely enjoy your presence in my life. You make Wednesdays suck less.

Plus, I find you completely attractive and that your kisses make me melt.

Think about it, yeah?

Karen

Note to self: No amount of cute clothes can save you from acting like a total retard.